The critical inner voice is a pattern of destructive thoughts we subconsciously direct toward ourselves and others. It can affect every aspect of our lives, including our self-esteem and confidence, our relationships, performance and accomplishments. It is the niggling “voice,” or thoughts we have in our head that make up an internal dialogue that can be so unhelpful and destructive. It facilitates unhelpful thoughts and negative thinking styles.
These inner voices are usually created early in our lives through childhood experiences. We learnt, accepted and believed thoughts, beliefs and attitudes as true in those impressionable years. These negative influences came from interactions with our parents, primary care givers, teachers, friends, siblings etc.
The inner critical voice can be thought of a defensive process that protected us from danger or hurt as we developed. Even if those thoughts or beliefs may have been valid at some point in the past, they are outdated learned responses that may no longer apply now. However, they have now become central to an individual’s maladaptive thoughts and so influence their behaviour. When we listen to this internal critical voice without challenging its validity, we develop self-limiting behaviour and negative outcomes we don’t want.
These thought processes can be negative, self-destructive and too harsh with negative thoughts that undermine our positive feelings about ourselves and others and fosters self-criticism, negativity, punishment and self-deprecation.
It’s important to know that we are all human and so we all have an inner critic!
While this voice tries to keep us safe or encourage us to do our best, meet standards and succeed, it often becomes too critical. This can make us feel inadequate, not enough, anxious, emotionally very low.
As a Friend:
In its positive form, the inner critic can serve as a motivating force, encouraging self-reflection and personal growth. It can help you uphold your values, meet high standards, push you to strive for excellence and improvement. When balanced, this internal voice aids in decision-making and helps to guide you through your thought processing.
As a Foe
However, the inner critic often becomes an unfriendly foe, a negative voice that is overly harsh, punitive, and unrelenting. It can contribute to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and depression. When the criticism is constant and internalised, it can hinder performance, create fears that prevent trying new things, and damages self-esteem and confidence. When this happens, the inner critic stops being a constructive voice and turns into a source of self-doubt and personal limitation.
Managing the Relationship
The good news though is that we can learn to reframe and adjust this voice to be more helpful and less critical. The key to transforming the inner critic from a foe to a friend lies in awareness and adjustment. Recognising when the inner critic is ’actively on’ and noticing what it is saying when it is being overly critical. We can learn to befriend it, understand it and reframe its messages in a more positive and supportive way. This can help maintain a healthier self-image.
When the negative self-critic is talking there are things you can do to manage it.
The first step is to notice it. Rather than ignore it take a mental step back from what it is saying and notice how it is saying it. Do you recognise the voice? How does it sound to you? What tone does it use… loud, harsh or soft? Are they sentences, phrases or words etc?
When your inner critic is speaking to you, it might help not to see it as ‘I’ am saying this to myself. It may help you to give it a name. Something that disconnects you from it. Remembering that it is just one part of your brain talking to you in an unhelpful way is a good start. It is not who you are!
Once you have a more objective view of this part of your brain, you can notice what it is saying to you. what are your inner thoughts or criticisms? You will gain an insight into what is being said and where it comes from in relation to point 1. This often stems from childhood. Try to consider where that thought or criticism started from what triggered it initially. It may have been valid in the past but it isn’t valid now and has become unhelpful.
Respond to your inner thoughts and criticisms with assertive questioning and rational statements, so that you can then gently challenge yourself around what is being said to you.
You can ask yourself questions to get more information. This helps to challenge overly harsh or unrealistic thoughts.
etc
Reflect on how these self-critical thoughts have been shaping your behaviours, thoughts and emotions and recognise the influence and impact they are having on your actions.
Identify and alter self-limiting behaviours by not agreeing with or actively responding to your inner critical voice, but instead reframe your thoughts.
Eg Shift the tone. Imagine turning the voice of a strict critic into the soft gentle voice of a supportive friend.
Eg What would a kind, compassionate friend say to you and what would they do? How would they be with you and help you?
This helps in transforming critical thoughts into more encouraging and compassionate ones.
Being kind to ourselves is like offering a soothing and nurturing hand to our worries and doubts. Self-compassion exercises can help us respond to our critic with more kindness.
By understanding, befriending and adjusting how we respond to our inner critic, we can foster a more supportive inner dialogue and a better relationship with ourselves. This not only makes us feel better but also empowers us to tackle life’s challenges with more confidence, resilience and less self-doubt.
If you are experiencing negative inner critical thoughts that are overpowering you and hindering your goals and progress in life, there is a way through and there are lots of ways to make friends with your inner critical voice. Call me for a chat about how we can do that and we can begin to make the changes you want to see in your life.
Sources:
www.psychalive.org
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