Yes, today I am talking about the fear of aging and getting stuck in a potential ‘mid life rut’, when in reality there is much we can do to make our future life amazing. So, I want to talk about ways to reduce the fears of getting older and a bit stuck and how to plan to embrace the future with renewed energy and focus!
Because if you don’t act, no one is going to act for you!
(Why 12, no reason actually. I had 11 and I prefer even numbers, just one of my many little foibles!)
When you are feeling stuck at any time, you can easily lose direction, or feel unable to see who you are or where you are going next. It is not uncommon. But it happens especially in mid to later life. And that is because we are often in a period of transition as part of this phase of our life span. And that needs awareness to recognise and to take some action!
Importantly, it’s never too late to gain that awareness and explore who you are, what you are and what you really want in your life going forwards. This awareness is how we start to make some positive changes, gain new choices and find new directions. Let’s consider what you can do to make some positive shifts.
Firstly, it is about reconnecting with yourself and learning more about that person who is stuck! Become aware of your thoughts, feelings, values, passions and your real identity. It is a journey of self-awareness. From this we better understand ourselves. It allows you to question what part of your life is stuck and what areas to focus on to release your thinking, so you can make some different choices.
Often once we reengage with who we are, we find we aren’t stuck so much as ready to make change but without always understanding why or what next steps to take. If this is you I can help!
A part of this process of getting ‘unstuck’ is looking at reconnecting with your passions and to take some time to reflect on the things that used to bring you the joy, fulfilment, happiness, excitement you ‘ve lost sight of. Whether a hobby, a creative pursuit, a sport or activity you enjoyed in the past, whether you did this alone or with a group. By rekindling these passions you can find a renewed sense of what drives you.
Having a purpose in life is critical for health, wellbeing, focus and motivation. Without purpose, you will struggle to have a meaningful life. We need something to get out of bed for each day, something that makes us feel emotion or something that is worthy of our focused attention. Without this our lives can become adrift, rudderless and can run aground.
It’s time to explore new horizons and explore new interests. It’s never too late to try something new even if it might feel a little scary to begin with. Anything new can feel scary. That’s because as a species, we learnt to be wary of new things and to see them as a potential threat or risk until identified as safe. Our most basic of instincts helped us avoid being eaten by sabre tooth tigers. This internal mechanism triggered chemicals and neurotransmitters in our brain to create our ‘fight or flight reaction’ and kept us safe. But these days we need to use these mechanisms in a different way for a different world. In fact, exploring new activities or subjects you’ve always been curious about but never had the chance to pursue, or were anxious to try, can be an exciting, invigorating, enjoyable experience and will help you break free from feeling stuck.
Through our lifetime, we have had many experiences and a lifetime of knowledge and learnings, and we never stop learning. But equally with the abundance of new knowledge and technology accessible to us in today’s world, you could embrace continuous lifelong learning. In theory you can learn any subject, to any level, at any time, given the appropriate resources to do so. And as long as you can remain curious, open to new thinking and to different ideas. Learning doesn’t have to stop with age, you only need the motivation and desire to learn something different. Consider enrolling in courses or workshops that interest you. Connect with local community centres, colleges, online or media platforms, or join discussion groups. Whatever brings you pleasure will energise and motivate you!
Volunteering in the community can be incredibly rewarding and provide you with a sense of purpose. Looking for local organisations or causes that align with your values, interests and skills is a great place to start. When you start to connect with other like-minded individuals you broaden your social connections and create a new network of interesting people to add colour and depth to your life.
For those that love to travel, exploring new places can be exciting. Whether that is on your own, with a friend or as part of a group. Travelling either to other countries or just within your own, can be transformational and triggers your brain with positive feel-good chemicals as well as expanding horizons that can expose you to new and different cultures, perspectives, and environments. This can ‘fire up’ your curiosity, creativity, connectivity and inspires personal growth.
A critical part of getting unstuck in your life is noticing personal connections you have and the interactions and impact you have on one another. It is really important at any age to have a supportive social network.
Experiencing a long-term loving partnership or relationship is a special and close connection. However if they are your only connection, as wonderful as that might be, as social animals we tend to need more and thrive with wider social connection.
By surrounding yourself with positive and supportive individuals who encourage you and with whom you share similar interests, you are creating connection and developing bonds with those people. Emotions such as care, affection, bonding, love are created and we need these emotions for a well-balanced, regulated and enjoyable life. So consider joining clubs, social groups, or online communities centred around activities you enjoy.
Most of us tend to accumulate ‘stuff’ throughout our lives. And the older we get, the more time we have had to accumulate greater amounts. And if you have family, the chances are you have also accumulated some of your children’s ‘stuff’ too. For some, these might be difficult to detach from and we can often find we are stuck to…. something that generates emotion or feel emotional about something from the past. Maybe its time to have a declutter and simplify your space now.
Take some time to declutter your physical space and simplify your life. Letting go of unnecessary possessions and/or memories or commitments can create a sense of liberation, freedom from the past, or just making time to review, reflect and let go of something in your past life that is holding you back now. Time to make room for new opportunities to enter your life.
When it comes to moving forwards having a destination is as important as knowing where you are currently. You don’t need to map out every twist and turn in the journey but set your course and consider some realistic goals, identify where you are and where you want to be and put some plans in place to get you there. Achieving your goals, no matter how small can provide a sense of accomplishment and boost your confidence.
I always use reflection and being present with clients because when you are so focused on the stuckness you can’t see your future! By engaging in practices that use being present, mindful and self-reflective, we can think about our present in a positive way that reduces stress and anxiety around being stuck, and allows you to create free space in your mind to gain perspective and clarity.
Finally, if you’re feeling stuck, you are probably also feeling unfulfilled whether or not still employed in some way or retired. By exploring the possibility of a career change or taking on part-time work this can introduce you to new people, challenges and experiences, as well as provide some additional income if that is a goal or need you still wish to fulfil, as well as a creating a sense of purpose. It might be as little as few hours a week, or a few days a year, but it is a powerful way to create identity and connection with something outside of yourself.
Just remember that everyone’s journey is different and it’s OK to give yourself permission to take a few small steps forwards towards change. It’s also OK to celebrate the progress you make along the way and to be kind, patient and compassionate with yourself in the process.
If you are finding yourself feeling stuck, and want help to move forwards with your life, take one little step forward and contact me to get some professional support. The techniques and strategies we as coaches, use provide valuable insights and help you work through challenges to find a path forward.
Be daring and become the person whose life is full of possibilities.
As always Be Well
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