Practical help on Managing Negative Situations that Trigger You.

 

We all have times when we are triggered by situations that cause our emotions to flare. Our behaviours get exaggerated, and we just act out of character, not always necessarily in a good way!

Here’s a strategy to help you handle those challenging situations better.  So, you can act in a more helpful way for a better outcome.

 

The first step is really to ask yourself Am I READY, WILLING and PREPARED?

 

1. Am I ready to ‘think differently’?

1. Am I willing to get a little uncomfortable to make positive changes in my life?
2. Am I prepared to be honest and open with myself?

 

 “Are we prepared to leave our comfort zones to reach a better place?” – Carlos A. Godoy

 

So…How do you begin?

 

1. Become AWARE– of your emotions, thoughts, feelings and actions. Awareness is key to development. You will struggle to make change when you aren’t aware of a need for you to make a change. And it is about being honest with yourself to acknowledge that something about you might need a little tweaking. Ans that is because frankly we are Human and none of us are perfect!

 

So first, identify a situation when you felt, thought, or reacted in a negative way. Go back to that situation in your head and re-experience it. (Avoiding situations too triggering whilst you practice this.)

Note down the event and allow yourself to reflect on it and your role within it at that time. The more information you collect about yourself and what was happening in that moment the more clarity you have to work with going forwards.

 

In that moment of a triggering situation, take a moment or two to ask yourself:-

1. What am I experiencing?
2. What am I am feeling?
3. What am I thinking about in this situation?
4. What am I believing in this situation?
5. How am I behaving in this situation?

 

2. REFLECT on the situation itself and review your part:-

 

Start with the phrase.

 

• “I’m feeling X___________” [Add the emotion you are feeling] ….

 

• And I’m feeling X because….._________

 

List all the things you think, feel and believe are relevant. For example:-

I’m angry because someone made me lose my parking space this morning and I nearly hit something to get another space. I was grumpy all day after that.

 

…I am feeling ANGRY because…

1. I couldn’t park.
2. I was feeling stress, frustration, annoyance. my heart was beating hard, I wasn’t really thinking.
3. I was thinking It’s unfair, it always happens to me when I’m rushing!
4. I’m angry, other people are making me not drive well, I nearly had an accident because of them.
5. I’m behaving badly! I’m usually pretty chilled

 

3. Now when you reflect on that situation what are you NOTICING? –

 

Complete this statement…I am noticing that ……..

 

• I was angry and not driving that well.
• I wasn’t really paying attention to who was in the car park.
• I didn’t indicate my intention to park. I just needed to park quickly, their space jumping made me angry.
• I realised I blamed them for my own actions. I didn’t control the situation well.
• I hate it when it looks like I’m not in control.

 

So now you can better RECOGNISE what was really the issue: 

• You are triggered into feeling anger. No one made you angry. You chose to be angry!
• You weren’t concentrating and usually drive better.
• You felt you had less control. And control is important to you!

 

So finally with that awareness, you can now consider how you might better approach the situation next time to serve you better.

 

How does this all help you act differently and reduce negative thoughts in 4 steps?

 

You can release yourself from the negative emotions you held on to in that situation and instead change your behaviour to be more positive, less stressed and more resourceful.

 

1. It starts with AWARENESS and APPRECIATION of your own thoughts and where they come from.
2. From this you can ACKNOWLEDGE your experience and learn to LET GO of the negative thoughts and feelings that don’t serve you.
3. Then RECOGNISE the root cause of your thoughts and feelings and what  behaviours need to change so you can do something different.
4. Finally, you can REFRAME the situation to create a more positive, resourceful outcome for yourself.

 

If you would like to help to achieve change in your life drop me a line and share a change you wish to make or what needs a shift for you.

 

Be Well 2 Do Well

 

Always my best

Caroline Knight     X