In Psychology there is a theory called Self-determination. This is a theory developed in the 1980’s by research psychologists Deci and Ryan with their seminal book Intrinsic Motivation and Self-Determination in Human Behaviour. Self-determination is important in how we see our ability to take control over our own life choices through setting personal goals and it is a key aspect of our motivations, psychological health and well-being.
People feel more motivated to act when they believe they have a sense of personal control and autonomy over what they do, and feel that their own thoughts and actions will have a positive effect on their desired outcome. This is relevant because this is an ‘Intrinsic motivation’ ie a motivation that comes from within ourselves, rather than being driven by an external reward of some kind. i.e an External motivation, eg money or praise.
And sometimes if we try to set goals for ourselves when the motivation is from outside of ourselves, we often struggle and fail. For example, maybe you wish to lose weight because your partner thinks you should. Or you might believe you should go for that new job with more money, but you are really applying because you were told it would be a good move for you. You may well achieve these things, but the chances are they will be much harder to achieve, less rewarding and ultimately less fulfilling because you are simply not personally motivated to achieve the goal. It is not really your goal and not your personal choice, so, the outcome has less value for you.
When you last thought about something you ‘should do’ or ‘ought to do’. Did you really want to do it or did you just feel ‘obliged’ to do it or under pressure for some reason?
My ‘Neuroscience’ Mind Hack:
When you are looking at goal setting and use/hear yourself saying the word ‘should’ be mindful that this is a word used from a place of ‘obligation’
The English Dictionary for the word ‘should’:
“used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticising someone’s actions.
What stands out is the word ‘criticising’. When we use ‘should’ with ourselves. this implies self-criticism. If you are being criticised or just being self-critical, that is not a positive mindset and does not help you achieve your goals.
Why is that?
When we use ‘should’ in our speech and thought patterns, this word actively blocks us from achieving our goals because it is an active form of self-criticism. The words we are hearing and the thoughts we tell ourselves suggest we feel less confident in who we are, and our decisions are somehow less valid. We are being directed by something outside of ourselves because their thoughts are somehow more right than ours. This is a clear example of not having the control within ourselves and behaving more at the behest of others. This causes issues of self-esteem and loss of personal power. When we criticise and reject ourselves even without realising it, we create stress in both our mind and in our body.
We know from the neuroscience of stress and anxiety that once we experience or think about something that creates a disharmony within us, it triggers a sense of concern or anxiety. Chemical changes occur within us then ready our system for a potential threat. The part of our body that is triggered is the sympathetic nervous system.
This responds by triggering the start of a stress response commonly called our ‘fight or flight’ response. The physiological changes occurring within us make us ready to either run for safety (flight) or fight for our survival. When we are in this aroused state, we don’t need all the usual functionality of our body and certain systems either divert resource or shut down. Our brain’s ability to function is impaired under stress and more importantly for goals setting and achieving, it impedes our ability to keep attention on a new task.
If we cannot think clearly and focus on something new, we cannot learn new things and we will default to old patterns of behaviour as the more well-trodden route for our brain. These are old automatic thought or behaviour patterns, the things we have been doing for a long time. These thoughts are unlikely to bring you closer to a new way of thinking or that new goal you want to achieve.
The ability to make change and achieve a personal goal must come from within us. This said , when striving for goals, what can be very helpful is external positive encouragement and reinforcement by empathic, supportive people (Koestner & Hope, 2014). When you have this kind of support, you feel more committed and interested in what you are trying to achieve and more satisfied when you reach the goals you set yourself.
In this way we motivate ourselves towards what we wish to achieve and intentionally engage in actions we know will bring us closer to our goals. Importantly because we are driven by an internal motivation, we can take personal responsibility for our behaviours and in so doing take credit for our own outcomes and successes. With personal responsibility we craft our own future. We have achieved things for ourselves, we can be proud of what we have achieved and that is a positive feedback to be even more successful.
So next time, when you need to make a change, know that you have the strategies and resources to achieve your goal within yourself. Give yourself some personal power.
Being self-determined develops a greater sense of hope and confidence in your own ability to create your positive personal destiny.
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