How to Rethink the term ‘Midlife Crisis’

The phrase “midlife crisis” has become so ingrained in our culture that it’s often used liberally to cover pretty much any seemingly ‘out of character’ changes in a person we see as in ‘midlife’. It’s typically depicted as a time of turmoil, confusion and in many cases regret. We often notice behaviours or actions that seem over impulsive like buying a sports car, buying a new motorbike after 20 years away, quitting a career to take up a passion, ‘going travelling’ or some other notable life change. Have you noticed this about someone you might know?

 

The ‘crisis’ view is not only misleading but also potentially harmful? As we reach midlife, and I do count myself in this group….many of us find ourselves questioning what we have achieved, our career choices, relationships, personal aspirations. But that doesn’t mean we are in some kind of ‘psychological crisis, or even that we are acting irrationally or carelessly. In fact, if we take the time to reflect and understand ourselves a little better at this point in life, we can see more clarity of what drives our thoughts and actions.  Midlife can more realistically be seen as a time of reflection, review, and reinvention with significant energising growth and renewal for many people.

 

The Myth of the Midlife Crisis

 

The term “midlife crisis” was popularised by psychoanalyst and organisational consultant Elliott Jaques in 1965. He described it as a period of intense self-reflection typically occurring between the ages of 40 and 60, when we come face-to-face with our limitations, our restricted possibilities, and our mortality.  The terminology was popularised into a universal, inevitable phase of emotional upheaval. However, research over the past few decades revealed the “crisis” concept as more myth than reality.

In reality, only a small percentage of people report experiencing a true midlife crisis. For most, it is more a phase of varying multiple transitions. Midlife often involves re-evaluating your life, desiring a clearer purpose, wishing to create legacy of some kind, the desire to pass on knowledge, setting new goals to achieve happiness, and seeking fulfilment.

Some believe in the concept of the “U-shaped happiness curve.” This is where happiness is high in young adulthood, declines in midlife, and then rises again in later years. This means that people often experience lower levels of happiness in middle age (usually between their 40s and 50s), while they tend to feel happier in their early adulthood and again in older age. It follows a U-shaped pattern. More generally though, people have more complex lives in these challenging times with many natural pressures such as balancing careers, raising children, empty nest syndrome, financial issues, the extended family commitments, caring for aging parents.

 

So, instead we need to offer ourselves the opportunity of taking a step back to see our life in the round. To give ourselves the chance to appreciate midlife years as a transitioning period and a place from which we can cultivate resilience, and can redefine what success and happiness means for us as individuals.

 

Societies expectations

 

In the past we assumed life followed a steady road. We go to school, get an education, build a career, start a family, and then retire.  But life as they say, is far more complicated than that! By midlife, many of us discovered we weren’t where we thought we would be or were expected to be. And this can sometimes lead to destructive negative thinking, guilt, shame, inadequacy, lack of fulfilment and a questioning  of personal life choices.

 

For me, midlife is actually the perfect time to break free from expectations. This part of our life, [I like to use the term ‘Middlescence’] is now much broader, multifaceted and complex than ever before.  Our life is more dynamic and the journey we all take much more fluid and unpredictable.  That is a positive thing though and can open up endless possibilities for new adventures, careers, and personal growth if we let it. I am not surprised that this period is stressful and anxiety provoking for many people because we go through so much midlife change and challenge. It is less chartered territory for us and our internal biological ‘threat system’ is constantly on the lookout for risk and threat.

What You can Do to Reframe Midlife as a Time of Reflection and Renewal

 

1. Embrace Your Opportunity for Change. Rather than viewing this as mourning the loss of our youth and the inevitability of old age, see it as a chance to re-evaluate your goals, reconnect with your passions, and if you want to you can reinvent yourself. Regardless, if it’s changing roles, new careers, self-explorations, pursuing a new hobby, shifting passions, rethinking relationships, this time can be used as a springboard for personal development and growth.
2. Focus on Removing Your Negative Thoughts. It’s easy to fall into self-criticism during midlife, especially when comparing ourselves to others or to our own standards or past aspirations. Our ‘inner critical voice’ is very active and often blocks us and hold us back from being more. But understanding what those negative thoughts are and how to quiet them will enable you to reshape your life to achieve what we want.
3. Practicing self-compassion. Self-Compassion is a gentle means of appreciation and care for yourself. It can help you shift the focus from what you haven’t accomplished to all those things you have. Recognising     your  achievements and strengths, as well as understanding that everyone experiences setbacks, diversions and bumps in the road of life can transform your narrative from crisis to evolution.
4. Expand Your Sense of Success. Success isn’t supposed to be defined solely by others’ perceptions, professional and personal achievement, financial status, materialism. These are relevant for sure but by midlife, many more people find greater value in other aspects of life: the quality of connections and relationships, the importance of personal health, emotional well-being. When you broaden your definition and perceptions of success to include these elements, you naturally find greater fulfilment, satisfaction, peace and happiness in areas of your life that may have been neglected in the pursuit of the more expected goals in life.
5. Experiencing Life. You have accumulated so much knowledge and experience by this point in your life that taking stock of this is hugely beneficial to help you navigate new challenges with wisdom and perspective. Instead of focusing on what’s been lost, tap into your life lessons to make more informed, better choices that serve you going forwards. This period can become about applying your hard-earned knowledge and maximising the benefits of your strengths to create a more fulfilling future.

 

So, I would say

 

• Embrace midlife as a period of reflection and possibility.
• Reframe it as one of life’s most important periods of time.
• Use the time to review, reflect and reevaluate yourself in order to pursue the life you truly want.
• The stories we have told ourselves throughout our life based on beliefs we have held onto from childhood may not serve us now and can still trip us up even now. So, midlife is a great time for a belief review and a rewrite.
• Make your midlife a time to harness your experiences to live more authentically.

 

If you’re feeling stuck or struggling to envision a future filled with positive possibilities, reach out.

 

Let’s work together to start the next phase of your life journey. Give me a call or drop me an email