How to make a Behaviour Change – It’s a process not an event

How to make a Behaviour Change – It’s a process not an event

When we are looking to make change in our lives it is often made to sound easy. Many approaches assume that once you have identified the changes you need to make, you just set you mind to it and do something different, job done. And if you don’t manage to do this then you are in some way not motivated enough.

 

But there is much more to successful behaviour change than just knowing something needs to change and taking action. Although the action bit is the most visible of what is required. It’s a bit like an iceberg, you can see the action and the behaviour changes but there is a lot that happens below the surface to make that behaviour change.  Much of what is required happens in your head.

 

First of all, let’s understand that when you are ready for a change in your life, it’s all about mindset. What you are thinking about and why you need or want to make the change even if you aren’t entirely sure what change you need. How you think affects how you feel.  How you feel affects how you behave.  And in that behaving will emerge how you act and take action. Because when you change how you act you change your life.

 

Prochaska et al talk about stages in their book ‘Changing for Good’ and this article draws from that thinking. Here they identified several stages that support change in behaviour.   These stages start with ourselves, because we don’t necessarily see an issue to start with. It may creep up on us or we may not notice its presence consciously. There is to begin with, a lack of awareness that an issue exists for us. Even if you are feeling something is wrong in your heart or your gut, your head is saying “There is no problem, and therefore no need to change”.  Its very difficult to make changes when you are either in denial or consciously unaware that a problem exists.

With a little more thought at a deeper level you will though begin acknowledging that issues or challenges might be impacting you. You are aware and can see a problem may exists, yet at this point you aren’t driven or likely to make any change any time soon. It has not yet reached a threshold of relevance, importance or urgency for you. And consequently you will simply not be motivated or ready to make a significant change in your life.

 

There is a period at this stage, where you start to feel the need for something different. You will have reached the point where you feel something has to change. You may feel more of a sense of urgency or a feeling that something is becoming a problem, irritating or frustrating.   You see your problem and you are now ready to commit to doing something about it or having decided that something needs to change you may have already started to make little changes to see what you can do to shift where you are currently.

 

Now, you are ready to ‘do’ something different and to take some form of action. You also need to be able to evoke positive feelings about what you want to achieve and what you want to happen. You need to take stock of where you are and where you want to get to and recognise that this is something that will be a positive change for you in your life, a desired outcome. This is because it needs to be something you want and believe in and believe you have the ability to make happen. Your mind set is one of ‘doing’ rather than just ‘thinking about doing’.    You will hear yourself using language that you are ready, and that change is now a real possibility. ‘I will’ becomes ‘I am’, future tense becomes actionable present.  This is language that heralds taking personal control and accountability in your life.  Language you should aim for might sound like…

 

“I am changing my behaviour now and managing my thoughts and feelings in a way that supports making a positive change in my life”. I want his change now and I am doing…, being…, becoming…, etc….

 

Then once you have taken the action or set in motion a plan to change behaviour with recognisable goals and milestones, so you can start to see, hear and feel positive changes and experience their effect.  It is now up to you to own your new behaviour, live it and breathe it to create new long lasting habits.

Behaviour becomes habit through constant and regular repetition and a positive desire for something different. This is part of what is needed to rewire you brain to follow a different instruction. The brain prefers to revert to old patterns, but it is also a powerful and complex organ that has a very flexible network of neurones that can remap and rewire when needed. Changing behaviour is a rewiring of pathways in your brain.

 

In order for you to truly succeed you must strongly want the change to happen. It must be helpful and desirable to you to have something different from what you currently have because the brain doesn’t like change. It sees ‘different’ as a shift away from what is known, comfortable and safe and it feels insecurity and risk when asked to change from that.  Change if perceived as a potential threat creates stress within your mind and body.  It triggers metabolic and hormonal responses in the body that give you physiological and emotional symptoms of stress and anxiety – this is commonly called the ‘Stress Response’. That is why we find change so uncomfortable. We must overcome these feelings of stress and anxiety for change to happen.   We need to both understand what is happening to us when we feel these thoughts, emotions and feelings in order to take control of them. We must also develop a positive mindset and intentional approach to help us challenge our current thinking, overcome our fears of change, calm the body to be more receptive to the change and find the right way to change that works for us longer term.

 

You may recognise yourself in one of theses stages with a challenge you might be facing just now. The beauty of these stages is that they suggest you can know that change is a process not an event. It is then possible to have choice once you take control and become more personally accountable. You can take action based on how you chose to behave in future.  This thinking offers us a route or a process through which we manage change even if you feel stuck and confused.  Sometimes you just need a little support.

 

Regardless of the challenges in your life learning to work through them and take personal ownership and responsibility over your life makes you more resourceful stronger and more resilient as you move forward. If you need to make a change and you would like a helping hand to support you, drop me a line and let’s talk.

 

Be well

Caroline